Doctor WHO?

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Matthew Eggenberger, writer

Just imagine, you’re at home. You’re watching a news report on the T.V. about an outbreak of Ebola somewhere in your town. Then, all of a sudden, BAM!! An Ebola zombie breaks in through your door and chases you down.

Contrary to the title, this isn’t about the T.V. show. Now let’s step into the realm of reality: Is that really going to happen? Could an outbreak of Ebola in the United States be a possibility? Are Ebola zombies real? Is there a cure? No, no, no, and yes, sort of. Well, more of a really-skeptical-maybe on two of those. But let me tell you why most of this is not going to happen.

First of all, we’re a first-world country, the United States of America, leader of the free world and one of the leaders in medicine. The chances of an outbreak of Ebola are minimal to zero at best (or worst). And no, I’m not jinxing it, and here’s why. Ebola is not as easy to spread as you may have believed. It can only travel through contact of bodily fluids, meaning that as long as you don’t touch the blood, sweat, vomit, or any other bodily fluid of an Ebola patient, you could be standing in the same room as one and hold a conversation with them and be perfectly fine. Just remember to wash your hands; you can never go wrong with washing your hands.

Some people have died of Ebola; in fact, a great many people have died of Ebola, at around 4,555 deaths to be exact. It is not really a Black Plague, which has racked up over 20 million kills throughout history, but with a mortality rate of around 90%, who can argue?

  • Death rate: 90%
  • Total confirmed cases as of October 20, 2014: approximately 9,216
  • Total confirmed deaths: approximately 4,555

(statistics according to CDC)

There is, however, a real paranoia going around that we’re all going catch and die of Ebola. But is this with good reason?

I took a poll among high school students at Bob Jones High School. Upon a first reaction to the question “Do you think you’ll catch Ebola,” 76% said no and 24% said yes. The next question, “Now, actually think about it, do you really think you’ll get Ebola?” 80% said no and 20% said yes. “Do you think Ebola has a chance of spreading in the U.S.A as opposed to third-world countries?” 20% no, 26% yes, and 54% said “maybe possibly… small chance.” “So do you think that the new Ebola vaccine called Zmapp is actually going to work?” 24% said no, 59% said yes, 13% said “not a chance,” and 4% said “of course.” It would seem, for the most part, that people have a little hope.

I asked some of these questions in person, and I was surprised by the response. “I can’t say it’s a probability,” said Joshua English in regards to contracting Ebola. Do you think the Ebola zombies are real? “Maybe.” Do you think it will spread in the U.S.A? “Yes, but by then everyone will be fully aware of it and there would be no more secrets.” Do you think the new vaccine Zmapp will work? “If the scientists say it will work, then why wouldn’t it?”

Rakin Karim had a different reaction. “No I won’t get [Ebola], I take care of myself.” “No, the Ebola zombies are fake, it’s Photoshop.” “It won’t spread here, we have the best healthcare system in the world.”

So how about those Ebola zombies? Nope, they aren’t real. The only thing that happened is that a man who was thought to have died of Ebola woke up from a nap because people kept poking at him and pushing him around. Stop watching so many zombie movies.