The Supreme Court, a Mexican Wall, and Canada: Surviving a Post-Election World


Cassie Volkin, Writer, Artist

The apocalypse is coming. On November 8th, an elderly white person with a history of scandals and crimes will be declared the next occupant of the White House. Whoever this person may be, we must be prepared for a number of potential disasters, and I’m not talking about their horrendous hairstyles.

First up, the Supreme Court. Multiple justices will be ending their terms soon, which means that whoever becomes president will probably have to make a few replacements; those of who will tip the court in their party’s favor for the next half-century. We must mentally prepare ourselves for this by throwing away all of our core beliefs before they are thrown away for us. But don’t worry! Congress must confirm all court nominations before they are appointed, so we won’t have another justice appointed for the next five years!

If Trump gets elected, he plans to build a wall on the Mexican border. Clinton opposes this in hopes that she can get the illegal immigrant vote, but the truth is, the next president will have to do something about our immigration problem. A wall (which Mexico probably won’t pay for) wouldn’t do anything to help our little debt situation, but doing nothing would be like slapping the idea of legal immigration in the face. Those living on the Mexican border would do well to move up north, but more on that later.

Oh, and speaking of our little debt situation, guess what? We’re almost to a 20 trillion dollar deficit (those of you who have taken a finance class know that’s not good)! Trump’s favorite catchphrase, “It’s huge,” has never been more true. The typical way of politics is that Democrats raise taxes, Republicans lower them, and no one has any idea what Libertarians do. Having more taxes would help pay off our debts, but Republicans are more likely to cut unnecessary expenses. The important question is, how can we really pay back that much money, especially with China doing most of our manufacturing?

People say that they will move to Canada after the results of each election. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau isn’t too concerned about it, but he should be. While it does cost more to live in Canada, and free speech is mostly unprotected by the country’s laws, it might be seen as a small price to pay for Americans appalled by this election. Besides, Canada has polar bears, ketchup-flavored potato chips, and hockey, so how bad could it be?

The results of this election could lead to big, sorry, “huge” things, and the people of the United States are panicking. Our debt is rising, our justices are dying, and our politicians are morons. The real question remains unanswered: what will Bill Clinton’s title be if Hillary wins? First Man? First Dude? Who knows? For those who will be remaining in the states for the next four years, I offer this advice: Alaska has real estate available.