DEAD CARIBOU LITTER STREETS

DEAD+CARIBOU+LITTER+STREETS

Zachary Perry, Writer

On January 14, 2012, a man supposedly named “Dr. Gordon Freeman” attempted to wipe out all manner of existing Caribou on the planet. “We’re killing as many Caribou as possible,” he commented as he watched another of God’s great creations die before his eyes.

Dr. Gordon Freeman and his minions (A.K.A Engineering students) had built Polyneumatic Volatile Corrosion (PVC) catapaults and were attempting to launch hay bales at the caribou. This unfortunate ‘species, hungry from lack of food resources, was slain by the driving force of the students hay-bale projectiles. “The ultimate irony,” Dr. Freeman commented, “Killing them… with food.”

Not to worry though, in doing his harmful acts, Dr. Freeman attempted to enhance his minions’ understanding of projectiles and the engineering process. “It’s an engineering design process, taking you from standard principles, of moving from nothing to something. Set parameters, to go from a peice of paper, loose PVC, and wood and then into a working catapault and hay-bale that can be launched through the air with maximum distance and accuracy…”

In attempting to ask more questions, I was stopped roughly by his bodyguard who plainly told me that “Mr. Freeman will be taking questions at a later date.”

We can only assume that his students are both entertained and engaged.