Something in Parker’s Water


Ben Winters, Writer

Everyone knows Mr. Robby Parker’s reputation as the charming and eccentric principal, but few know him for the true wizard he is.

If the past 3 years of my high school career have taught me anything, it’s that Mr. Parker can’t be rivaled when it comes to making the best of any situation. With a Twitter following of over three thousand, the man has a voice that kids want to hear. His ability to connect with and inspire students has gained him fame throughout Alabama school districts and on social media.

“Something amazing occurred this afternoon!!! When Howard and I were cleaning PATRIOT SHORES, Howard had to take his shoes off,” tweeted Mr. Parker. Farther down Parker’s Twitter feed, I see a picture below Parker’s tweet showing a man trudging through the waves of “Patriot Shores,” the flooded area around Bob Jones south parking lot.

With the title of “Best Lake Property in North Alabama,” Mr. Parker officially named the waters “Stinkin Patriot Shores.”

For any other principal, this tweet would sound a little strange, but for Mr. Parker, this strangeness is what his students have come to expect and enjoy.

“When he got out, his feet glowed,” Mr. Parker continued to tweet. “It was then that I realized Stinkin Patriot Shores held magical powers.” Maybe this man was onto something. Next I see a photo of Mr. Parker inside his rowboat, bottling the magical fluid and calling the lake “Beautiful Patriot Shores.”

“Just a sprinkle on the field, stage, etc… before the event will do the trick!”

Where is the proof of this fluid’s magical properties? Just ask the drama squad. To win the South Eastern Theater Conference three times takes more than just skill. “IT WAS THE PATRIOT LAKE! WE JUST WON SETC THANK YOU SO MUCH,” said drama student Sierra Jasmine.

But what is the point of all this? Could it be more than just a simple publicity stunt to conjure up some school spirit? No. I think what Mr. Parker is doing is making the most of a serious predicament. Sure, the south parking lot flooding is a severe matter, but what use is it to nag and whine over an inconvenience? If the tweets of Mr. Parker have taught me anything, then it’s not about how to fix a flooded parking lot but instead what you make of the waters.

“Maybe if we get some of Mr. Parker’s magical water, we might actually play softball one day,” said Bob Jones softball player Chloe Johnson, after rain outs continue to stall the season.

It takes pure wizardry to see potential and even magic when the flood waters are rising.