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Dear Fox, Lightning Round

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Dear Fox, Lightning Round

Dear Fox, Columnist

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Just something to note: I’m doing more messages than usual to get some of the minor questions answered. It’s my job to help as many people as I can, after all. With that in mind: welcome to the Thunderdome! Well, lightning round… Close enough!

 

Dear Fox,

Some girl keeps parking in my spot in the mornings and honestly it’s really frustrating. I park there every single day and I don’t know how to get my spot back without leaving earlier. What should I do?

Boy, this must be driving you crazy… Or would that be parking you crazy? Anyway, if you’re dead-set on not leaving earlier, the two options are: ask her to give you the spot (because you know it is a girl, I’m guessing you either know her, or you can talk to her), or the simpler, and probably better option: live with it. Parking spots aren’t actually assigned; it really is first come, first serve. Also, you probably won’t even have to deal with it for long: at the end of this semester, the parking passes aren’t useful anymore. The only surefire way to get and keep your spot is to leave earlier.

 

Dear Fox,

Do you have any tips for surviving this flu season? Is there a good way to ask people to cover their cough, for example?

— “Anonymous”

Let me say first: I’m not a doctor, nurse, or boy scout who did the first aid class, and as such, I can only repeat the things I’ve heard from doctors, nurses, and tv ads about hand sanitizer. So the basics: drink water, wash your hands and cover your mouth. As for how to ask other people to do the same, it really depends on what you mean by “good” because just saying, “Hey, can you cover your mouth?” is probably the best way to ask, but depending on the person they may or may not actually do it.

 

Dear Fox,

Beyond cursing at them, how can I get those annoying couples who walk slower than a snail and take up half the hallway to just move faster?

They’re not. Really, those people are what literally everyone who asked “What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?” meant by “immovable object.” You either have to wait, or go around, because the vast majority of those people will not go any faster, even if you ask politely, and in all likelihood will give you a dirty glare for your desire to get to where you were going. I mean, how dare your education get in the way of a high school relationship for literally less than 3 minutes?

 

Dear Fox,

I’d like to have a fun Spring break.

Any suggestions?

-Anon.

Good timing. I can close with this one right before the break. Well, it really depends on the kind of person you are… I can’t promise an amazing getaway for every person reading, but what I can do is say this: do what makes you happy. Do you like books? Read a really good book. Do you like the beach? Go. Do you want to rob a bank with a tornado made of sharks? I can’t condone illegal activities on here, and how did you even manage to do that? The point is: whatever floats your boat without whaling, warfare, or wristbands. Concerts may be fun, but those straps are EVIL!

 

That about wraps it up for this Lightning Round.

Remember everyone, if you have a problem: write in an email to [email protected] for your chance to be featured.

Have a great spring break from Dear Fox!

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Dear Fox, Columnist

It sounds like a joke, but if you put a fox at a keyboard, it can type. Sometimes, it can manage to make an advice column. Send in an email to [email protected],...

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Dear Fox, Lightning Round