What makes a man? Money? Power? Male genitalia? Neigh, tis not these things that make the man, but these are the things that make the thing that make the man. Yes for the thing that truly makes the man is not any of these one simple things, but a combination of them (except for the male genatalia).
The true test of a man is simple. Is he a member of the Glorious PC Gaming Master Race, who hath been blessed by the all-mighty lord Gaben himself, to game in prosperity and superiority, or is he a dirty dirty console peasant, scrounging through the dirt like the little worm he is, hoping his corporate overlords bless him with but a single drop from the fountain of 1080p gaming?
I sit high atop my throne of games, far above the pitiful peasants, and I laugh at their buffoonery. They sit and marvel at their supposed “next-gen” graphics, not even realising it is simply 720p upscaled to 1080p. Those fools! and only running at a measly 30 fps? Disgusting. It makes me sick. Any developer who dare have the gall to release a game in anything under 60 fps deserves to have their game making license revoked, and be dragged through the streets by their toenails.
Now some of you peasants may be saying to yourselves “But wait. Isn’t PC gooming too exspensive?” as you fondle your collection of 60$ games. On our holiest of holidays, the Steam Summer sale, great lord GabeN hath blessed me with deals so great your puny button mashing mind would not be able to comprehend. During a steam sale $60 dollars would be enough for me to buy more games than you’ve ever owned on a lifetime, and I’d still have enough money leftover to buy the whole rotting village you and your disgusting peasant family live in.
Exclusives you say? More than you can count. With indie games out the wazoo and backwards compatibility to boot. You console peasants having fun playing all those RTS games? Oh wait, you can’t.
Sure you can’t catch any viruses on the WiiU, but do you know what else you can’t catch? Games.
And what of these supposed “next gen” controllers. Goofy tablets, share buttons, or even worst of all a Kinect. Mere childs play compared to the almighty power of the mouse and keyboard. First Person Shooters on a console? Have fun with your aim-assist. I’ll be over here with my deadly accurate mouse. And should I have the desire to use one of your peasant sticks, I still have the option. Options, something you console peasants have never even heard about.
In console land, all the little sheeple buy their little black boxes that they shove under their TVs. No questions, no thinking, no learning. Just staying in their little non moving lines, but in PC world the possibilities are endless. The more you put in the more you put out. Need to upgrade your console after ANOTHER Red Ring of Death? Buy a new one. Need to upgrade your PC?Just buy what you need and keep on trucking.
When peasants buy games what they get is what they get, but on a PC anything is possible. Sure you COULD play Left for Dead 2 without Shrek modded into the game, but frankly why would you even be playing a game if Shrek wasn’t in it?
On consoles you’re locked into whatever they give you. No upgrading hardware or software. Stuck with whatever store they have. Want to buy a game, well looks like you have to go through whatever they’re marketplace is, so they can continue to bleed you dry like the cows you are. On a PC you get to choose which companies bleed you dry like a dirty cow. Choices.
The XBone has a snap feature. You can do 2 whole things at once. Oh, if only I could do that on my PC for the last 30 years. Oh wait, I can. And not just on one screen. I can have two, four, eight, as many screens as I want.
In the end, this whole argument is pointless. Why try to reason with the peasants when it is so glaringly obvious that I am superior? Why fight a battle that has already been won? Just as a man has no quarrel with a worm, have I no problem with the dirty peasants. They are free to wallow in their filth as long as they like, because, at the end of the day, at least they’re not gaming on a Mac. There’s nothing worse than that.
